The on-going story of my journey through this crazy thing called life, and of the God who has made, does make, and will continue to make beauty from the ashes I hold in my hands.
The “journey” in my blog name is meant to be mostly metaphorical, the journey through life. However, it is also quite literal at times. Right now, I’m writing this as I’m driving through Pennsylvania, heading home from taking one of my sisters back up to school in New York. Well, I’m not actually writing as I drive, but rather, as I ride, since typing and driving at the same time is probably illegal, and at the very least, extremely foolish (and although I said I sometimes do crazy things, I do have at least a small portion of common sense…sometimes). I’ll have to actually post this once I get back home, as, tragically, I currently have no internet connection.
Any journey may take the traveler through some very interesting places along the way. Driving from lovely cold South Jersey through lovely colder Pennsylvania to lovely extremely cold New York state, I’ve seen some of the strangest names of towns and places and streets I have ever come across. We just now passed through the small town of Kunkle, PA. On the way up north yesterday, I saw signs for Stroudsburg, and about an hour ago, a few for Kaiserville—names that are a bit of an inside joke for Dekkies or anyone who participated in the Books of History game. Other names seen: Turbotville, Tinkerpaugh (I think that was it! The town of Faux was also posted on the same sign), Forty Fort, Loyalsock, just to name a few.
Just as this journey has taken me through some different and certainly interesting places, life’s journey does the same. (Anyone who saw that analogy coming, comment saying so and you will receive one point.[i]) I can’t say that I really like the point I’m at in life right now. I’m confused about what I’m doing and where I’m supposed to be going. I’m really frustrated with myself and with life because I feel like I’ve done very little of any lasting worth in the past few years, like I’ve done nothing but spin my wheels since graduating from high school. It’s frustrating and it’s discouraging to have no answer when people ask me what my major is, what I’m going to school for, or what I want to do with my life, because I don’t have an answer. And anyone who knows me well knows that there is little I hate more than not having the answers, which makes this fogginess more frustrating still.
Schools and classes and majors—those are just the surface things. Surface things I need to figure out and desperately wish I had the answers to, but superficial nonetheless. The real question is both the same and different. What am I doing with my life, really? What is my life’s purpose? Of course, every person’s ultimate calling is to glorify God with his or her life, but specifics can get so fuzzy. My heart’s desire and what I believe someday my main purpose will be is to walk alongside my husband in his calling, and train up our children to run after Christ. But as for what path to take in the meantime, I’m rather lost. Sitting around doing nothing while waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on his white horse cannot honestly be said to be productive training for anything, and laziness is not something that brings glory to God. So…what then?
As I was writing this, the song “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller came up on my playlist on iTunes. I think sometimes God likes arranging the order of my playlists, because this certainly isn’t the first time an incident like this has occurred. As always, it was enough to make me stop for just a moment to listen. These are the lyrics:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Right then and right now, it was a message I needed to hear. I don’t have the answers that I wish I had, that I still need to do my part in figuring out, that I need God’s wisdom and guidance and help finding. But even though I’m still waiting and the waiting is painful, I will do my best to serve Him while I wait, to worship while I’m waiting, and then, what is harder for me sometimes, when I see what the next step is “I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience”. Only by His grace.
[i] Points are solely symbolic. They have no monetary value or intrinsic worth and cannot be redeemed anywhere at any time for anything. Their only worth lies in the dubious bragging rights their possession grants the bearer.
I ought to make my first post here something deeply profound, something that's moving and inspiring. But whether it's just me, or whether it's the nature of writing and inspiration, I've come to realize that whenever I find myself waiting around for inspiration, it takes more time to show up than I can afford to spend waiting for it. So this first post here isn't going to be the very thoughtful piece of writing I would really like it to be. But it is something. And it's here. Sitting on this page in front of me, and soon to be out on the wide world of the internet for anyone and everyone to read. (anyone? anyone at all?) For me, that's a new beginning, if a small one; simply sitting down and writing something-anything!-and having it done, instead of putting off for another time because I haven't received any divine inspiration.
If you're reading this, welcome along for the ride. Some people think I'm crazy, and some of what I will say here will vindicate them! Some people think I'm thoughtful, and just maybe wise, some think I'm funny, some think I'm talented in one way or another, and some probably don't think much of anything about me. But no matter what you see of me here, I hope the one thing everyone who finds me here will see is the God that my heart's desire is to glorify with my life, and more than anything I write, that you will see the story I am trying to learn to let Him write for me.
(Oh, and as for the "old stories" part of the title of this post, you can find my older writings here, until I can figure out how to post them on this site.)
